If God dropped acid, would he see people? – Stand Up….I insist

By “The Gallatron”

The cross-eyed blonde one……the weird bald one with the goatee….the annoying Irish one that host’s the really shit show they’re all on……

The public are exposed to an awful amount of banal, mediocre but always consistently

unfunny stand up comedy on British Television. The plethora of panel shows containing smarmy, self aggrandising and homogeneously dismissive performers are as entertaining as watching an episode of Gavin and Stacey. (If you like Gavin and Stacey you should kill yourself)

People tend to say to me, “Its all about opinion Chris, just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s not funny” and that may be true BUT here’s the thing….That’s Bullshit.

Comedy, like music, is an art form but also like music it’s a craft. If a “musician” who can’t hold a note to save their life, releases a single which goes to number 1 in the charts, does that make them talented? No, it just gives weight to my point, that people are fucking morons.

For every Nirvana, there’s a Nickleback and for every Lenny Bruce there’s a Russell Howard. There’s right and wrong, good and bad, talent and dogshit, and most comedians on television fall into the wrong/bad/dogshit category.

Look, I’m not saying that every comedian on TV is awful; in fact Kevin Bridges has pleasantly surprised me with his quick wit and jokes about ‘Gettin’ burds pumped’. I occasionally smirk at Frankie Boyle, but his constant rape, paedophile and incest jokes wear a bit thin….and I’m a guy who loves a good incest joke.……

It seems to me that people take stand up comedy as they find it, usually meaning from mainstream television or the DVD they got for Christmas from their parents. This is why pandering, charlatans like Michael McIntyre are popular.

In what is a selfless act of public service, I’ve taking time out of my busy schedule (staring at walls/Jerking It) to drop some science on your mind grapes by suggesting some superior stand up comedians to the ones that frequent your goggle box nightly.

Now, it would be easy to fill this list with some of the greats, Bill Hicks, George Carlin or Bobby Davro, but that wouldn’t be teaching you anything. It should be pointed out that Hicks as well as the greatest of all time, George Carlin, are both dead which tends to hinder your ability to produce new material……having said that, Hicks has a new DVD out like every other week. How does he do it?

Honourable mentions should go to:

Woody Allen, who was a fantastic stand up but ditched a successful career in comedy to direct a few short films or some shit.

Sarah Silverman, a hairy, funny, Jewish lady. All things I enjoy.

Roy “Chubby” Brown, when you get past the racism, homophobia, sexism, fascism, unfunny bullshit that makes up his act, you find…..Oh, right.

Three Funny Fuckers

Doug Stanhope – Asshole

Doug Stanhope is an asshole. An asshole, that doesn’t give a shit about anyone or anything. I’ve seen this guy perform live and it’s quite a sight to behold. As engaging as he is, after every story/anecdote he recounts, you have less and less respect for him but BOY is he funny.

Comparisons with Bill Hicks are really off base. Stanhope share’s a common ground with Hicks but ultimately it’s his selfishness that sets him apart. A staunch Libertarian, why the fuck should he have to pay taxes for YOUR kids…..actually Doug, good point.

Stewart Lee – The 41st best stand up in the UK

The slow talking comedian drags a sentence out longer than the plot of an Oliver Stone movie. His constant mocking of celebrity and the transparency of British popular culture is so skilled, that if you watch him live, you may take your own pointless life.

A show on BBC2 was the highlight of the schedule last year and if he’s not taking pops at Chris Moyles, Top Gear or talking about houses made of crisp packets, then he’s not doing his job right.

Louis CK – Angry/Ginger

A fat, balding, ginger…. what’s not to love? Louis CK and his absurdist comedic styling, is what makes stand up comedy so damn great. The Ginger one paints a picture in a way that very few people can, with his cranky and depressing views on life a real hoot.

Watching Louis genuinely makes you happy that you’re not him, although you may be more like him than you know. At least he’s honest about how much he hates his kids.

You can follow Chris on Twitter @BLF_ChrisGall as he discuss the importance of being a gentleman.


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